This post is all about how to get your confidence back as a woman for real.
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If you’re not feeling like your old happy confident self and are slowly letting the self doubt creep in, this guide is for you!
Maybe you went through a toxic relationship, have critical parent, or are letting your past failures define you, whatever it is, it’s not gonna be your story anymore.
I mean, we’re all born with confidence.
Remember, when you were little and weren’t afraid to speak your heart out, or try new things without fearing other people’s judgements, or dreaming BIG without getting lost in practicality.
But somewhere along the way that went missing.
I started holding myself back from new experiences and opportunities, because of my low self confidence and self doubt! From not speaking up in an office meeting, to not having the courage to move to a new city, it impacted every area of my life.
Until I finally started implementing these 13 genius tips and learned how to get my confidence back as a woman.
#1 and #5 were a real game changer for me!
This post is all about how to get your confidence back as a woman for real.
what does self confidence look like?
Before we get into the tips on how to get your confidence back as a woman, I want you to think about this first.
What does self confidence look like for you? Because it could mean different things to different people.
Confidence to you can mean looking your best,
or maybe it looks like getting up on the stage,
or maybe it looks like being a better leader to your team.
Take a moment and think about the most confident version of you, what does her life look like? How does she carry herself? How does she reacts to certain situations?
Journal your thoughts down to get a better picture.
Here are some changes that you’d notice in yourself as you transition into your most confident self.
- You’re not afraid of other people’s judgements. You don’t seek external validation.
- You stand firm on your ground. You don’t have to second guess your decisions. Or take 10 business days to make one.
- You take responsibility for your life instead of playing the victim.
- You follow through on your commitments. With others, and with yourself.
- You take actions instead of making excuses.
Major causes of low self confidence
We usually relate low self confidence to a negative self image. That’s usually created from the stories you tell about yourself based on your failures and other people’s critics.
And while all of that is true. I want to talk about a different causes of low self confidence that really is more important than we like to believe.
“Not following through on your actions”
Hear me out!
Every time you say you’re going to start working out from Monday but never think about it for the rest of the week.
Or every time you tell your friend you’re gonna be there at 10, but don’t leave the house till 10:30.
Every time you say you’re gonna do something and never follow through, it sends a message to your subconscious.
People think that these things are not impacting their lives in any way. In fact, we often love to joke about it.
But you forget that your subconscious is always paying attention to your habit patterns, and taking note.
So, the next time you set a goal, instead of being like ‘Okay, we can do this. Let me come up ideas.’, your mind is going to be ‘I know you’re not gonna follow through, so what’s the point?’.
This is one of the simplest causes of low self confidence that you have total control over.
how to get your confidence back as a woman
1. 30 day challenge
I cannot recommend this enough! 30 day challenges truly give you a huge confidence boost.
I think the main reason they work is because you show your brain every single day that you can do hard things, and you follow through on your commitments consistently.
And it is a game changer!
In fact, if you have low self confidence, committing to a 30 day challenge would seem daunting because you might be thinking ‘There’s no way I can actually finish this challenge.’
Which is exactly why you need this 30 day challenge more than anyone else. To prove that thought wrong.
I know this, because I was in the same shoes.
I used to consider myself extremely lazy and so committing to a 30 day challenge was a big NO.
But doing the challenge consistently even for the first 14 days completely shifted my mindset.
And, not to be dramatic but, after 30 days, I felt like I could do anything!
My only tip would be to take it ‘one day at a time’.
Related : 20+ Ultimate 30-Day Challenges
2. Start small
Confidence comes from taking bad*ss actions. When you do things that you thought there’s no way you could.
And then making them work for you. It’s a different kind of flex.
Now, I’m not asking you to book your solo trip. YET.
But there are so many everyday tasks that you do to push (and surprise) yourself a little more.
Here are some ideas :
- Take cold showers everyday
- Go on a solo movie date
- Make plans if you’re socially awkward
- Get on stage
- Ask for a free drink at Starbucks
- Dance in public
- Talk on your Instagram stories
You’ll realize that all these things are way less scary than you make them.
3. rip the band aid off
Time to take the dive!
People always recommend starting small, and while that is great. I think if you want to create big changes, you need to take big actions.
What’s the one thing that you really want to do but have been avoiding because of how daunting it seems?
Do it now!
Whether it’s applying for the new job, buying a website, proposing to your crush, or learning to drive a car (speaking from experience here)
I wanted to learn to drive for the longest time, but didn’t want to try and fail at another thing. Being dumb at something new was scary.
It happens to all of us, right?
But when I finally started learning, I actually wondered why was I scared to do it in the first place?
4. Don’t be afraid to learn new things
Everyone starts somewhere. Your biggest inspiration today was a beginner too. I love this quote :
“She’s more successful than you because, she’s failed more times than you’ve tried.”
Don’t let your fear of failure or uncertainty hold you back from even trying.
In fact, if you know how to get your confidence back as a woman you know she’s always open to learn.
Be open to ask and receive help. Be persistent; that you’ll try and fail as many times as it takes to get to your goals.
What’s a new thing that you’re willing to be bad at today?
It doesn’t have to be something life changing, you can just pick up a fun hobby too.
Related Post : 35 Hobbies To Pick In Your 20s You Can’t Miss Out On
5. 100 things you’re proud of
Here’s a challenge – write down 100 things that you’re proud of (achievements, things you’ve overcome, things you love about yourself).
I know 100 seems like a HUGE number.
When my coach asked me to make this list, I said ‘I can’t think of more than 3 things that I’m proud of. There’s no way I’m coming up with 100.’
And that’s the beauty of this challenge.
Coming up with first 30 will be real hard (at least it was for me).
But once you get in the flow, you’ll actually end up with more than a 100 things on that list!
And you’ll be shocked to see how little credit you give yourself.
Now you don’t need to finish this list in one sitting. Maybe take the next 2 days.
So, the next time your inner self critic tries to put you down, start reading this list. It’s proof that you’ve done hard things before and you can do them in the future.
6. your past mistakes do not define you
Just because you failed at something in the past, doesn’t mean you’ll always be bad at it. Here’s exactly why :
a) You are not the same person you were 2 years ago. You’ve grown and you’ve learned so much. You didn’t have the knowledge then that you have now.
b) You’re more experienced to do that thing, thanks to your failure. Now, you know one less thing to do if you want to succeed.
Just because you were bad at basketball in school doesn’t mean that you’re bad at it for the rest of your life.
You’re not the same person you were 6 months ago. Let alone 3 years ago.
Yeah, maybe you failed at something in the past. But you know better now. And that does not define who you are for the rest of your life.
If you have some past regrets that constantly hold you back, write them down on paper.
Read these mistakes with compassion for your past self. Your past self did the best she could with the resources she had!
Use that thought to forgive your past and let it go.
7. shake your old victim identity and build a new one
We constantly joke about our bad qualities. Saying things like,
‘I’m lazy.’
‘I really am good for nothing.’
‘I’m a couch potato.’
‘I’m always late.’
So, today I want you to come up with 3 good things that define you.
‘I’m someone who helps other people.’
‘I’m a good leader.’
‘I am the best at organizing a party.’
‘I always solve my friend’s problems.’
Whatever it is, come up with at least 3 good things that you’d use to describe yourself.
We’re done with the lame old ‘being a victim while tryin to be funny’ identity!
This is your new identity.
Say that out loud to yourself and to other people. Use these to describe yourself in situations instead of cracking a self deprecating joke, cuz honestly, it’s boring now.
8. take your responsibility
Taking responsibility for your life – your actions, the results, the mistakes, everything – can be really empowering!
Starting with the small things like,
- Making your own career decisions
- Taking care of your laundry
- Living by yourself
- Managing your finances.
To the big ones like not blaming your parents for everything that went wrong.
And I know it can be really hard. Especially if the other people IS at fault.
But the bottom line is, that it is your life. And blaming other people for your circumstances will only take your power away.
And why give that power to people that have already disappointed you in the first place?
You don’t always have control over your circumstances. And sh*t happens. I’m not gonna deny that!
But what you make out of it is solely your responsibility.
And trust me, once you start taking charge of your life – from your routines and habits, to your decisions, and the people you let yourself be around – you’ll see how it boosts your confidence!
9. learn more about how the boss babes do it
I think we’re so lucky to live in this internet era!
There are so many women out there today, who’re not afraid to speak their truth, or to think out loud, and make their dreams come true.
And it’s so inspiring to watch them.
If you’re someone like me who gets a boost of confidence and reassurance (that I can do it too) watching other women’s do their thing, this tip is for you.
There are so many inspiring autobiographies out there like,
Or books, like ‘You Are A Bada*s’ that are specifically meant to help you boost your confidence.
Another thing that really works for me, is listening to podcast interviews of bada*s women on walks. I always get so many ideas and feel so inspired after these walks.
Some of my current favorites are :
- Jenna Kutcher’s Podcast
- Productivity podcasts by Skinny Confidential
- The Manifestation Babe
- How I Built This
10. make one decision today and back it up
One common effect of low self confidence is that you take 10 days to make a decision and then constantly go back and forth with it.
That only hampers your confidence even more.
And of course, wastes your time!
So, it’s time to stop being indecisive.
Do this today – Make a decision and stick to it. Even write down 5 reasons why it is the best decision right now (This is really important).
You can start with something as small as ‘what do you want for dinner today?’
The thing is you can never predict the future, so you never know how this decision is going to unfold.
All you can do is trust that ‘You’re making the best decision you can with the knowledge that you have.’
Now, thinking that doing more research will somehow help you make the right decision is also wrong.
Because gathering more information would only confuse your already indecisive brain.
So now, you’re confused and have a sh*t ton of wasted time.
It’s better to make a decision fast, see the results, and keep that in mind for future reference.
Most of the decisions that you make in your day to day life are not life or death decisions, as we make them!
11. look at your self talk
The one person that you talk to the most in your life, is you yourself. Out loud or in your head.
And honestly, it’s the only one that matters the most.
So, be very careful of how you talk to yourself. Because the stories you keep on repeating in your head are the ones that you start believing in.
So if you keep telling yourself that you’re lazy and unmotivated, guess what you’re always going to act like it.
For the next 2 days, simply observe your self talk. Even write down the thoughts that keep coming up again and again.
Now look at those thoughts and ask yourself, would you ever say this to your younger sister?
Never!
Then, why are you so harsh with yourself?
Replace each thought with something more positive. For eg, ‘I’m so lazy’ can be changed to ‘I always get the most important things done.’
That’s how to get your confidence back as a woman.
12. pat yourself on the back
Here’s how to do it! Write down 3 things that you’re proud of doing today and please step out of your to-do list on this one. Write down things that were challenging, sassy and generous of you to do!
Another way to do is by doing continuous goal check in – instead of jumping from one goal to the other it’s a way to check off the goals you accomplished and get that sense of pride.
And even if you didn’t accomplish a goal yet or completely forgot about it, this is one way that holds you accountable so you’re actually taking responsibility for your life.
13. how do I look?
Taking control of your look is the first change that you can start making immediately.
Post breakup haircuts are cliché for a reason, they give you an instant boost of confidence that lasts for at least a week.
And while I’m not asking you to paint your hair red right now, just start putting more effort on how you look.
Also, correct your posture! How are you sitting right now? Would your highest self be sitting like a banana? Use this posture corrector to help you sit with a straight back.
This post is all about how to get your confidence back as a woman for real.
