I recently began reading Jen Sincero’s You Are a Badass, and one of the themes that this book revolves around is self-love. I truly believe that your perception of yourself massively impacts your confidence and reality.
And if you could just get a hold of ‘how amazing a person you are’, your entire life would change.
You can have everything you want in life once you begin to ‘believe’; believe in your dreams and in your ability to achieve those dreams.
Belief gives you the confidence to try new things. Which in turn bring results. Which serves as your evidence to be more confident in yourself. It’s a whole cycle.
You just need to get your mindset right in the first place.
Starting with loving yourself the way you are.
So, here are a few short and simple ways I learned to build self love and self confidence.
1. Appreciate Yourself
Appreciate yourself because you’re the only you there is. List 5 things that you love about yourself; not about your life, about you. Things that make you special and unique. Quickly list them up, I’m waiting. . .
Nobody else in the universe does things the way you do, the way you smile, the way you greet a stranger, the way you think and express yourself. Take pride in it.
The world needs the real you. And you’re just being mean if you’re trying to hide(or change) your true self.
2. Affirmations
I know affirmations sound lame. But it is the simplest way to reduce negative thoughts and consciously repeat positive ones in your mind. Which you would not do otherwise.
Affirmations are just positive statements that you repeat to yourself, in your mind or out loud, to raise your vibrations.
Find your mantra and repeat it to yourself ten, twenty, fifty times a day, or whenever you get the chance. And really feel the emotions. Choose something that gives you chills and feels authentic to you. Here’s how to make affirmations that speak to you.
It may feel like you’re lying to yourself at first, but as Jen says, “You are living a lie. Affirmations just bring you back to the truth.”
Because when you were born, you were just a cute little bundle of joy who knew how to be happy at any given moment. You weren’t always complaining about how fat, ugly, tall, or bloated you looked.
And that is how you should live, but somewhere along the way, you forgot. And affirmations are a great way to get back there.
3. Do What Makes You Happy
Because you deserve to be happy. Don’t make yourself feel unworthy by constantly by denying yourself the things you love.
Attend the dance class, backpack through Europe, ask your crush out, dine at your favorite restaurant, spend time with your family. I know you’re busy, but make an intentional effort to include more joy in your day.
You’re not just born to pay bills and die.
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Make a good vibes list, where you list down all the things that make you happy, i.e. bring good vibes. Your favorite pasta, your love for basketball, cafes you want to try, people you love talking to, or anything from your Wishlist, include it all. And then every time you plan your day, schedule as many things from this list as possible. Then, whenever you plan your day, include as many items from this list as possible.
This brightens your day and makes you a happier person. You’ll eventually fall in love with your life and, as a result, with yourself.
4. Replace Your Negative Thoughts
How many times have you told yourself, “You’re so stupid. How’d you get this wrong?”, when you made a small mistake. I’m guessing A LOT. Now, would you react the same way if your younger sister made the same mistake? I don’t think so.
That’s the problem. You admire your role models or loved ones for all the little things they do. But when it comes to yourself, your bucket of love is always empty.
And the sad part is, most of the times you’re doing this unconsciously.
So, start becoming more aware of the things you say to yourself. And replace your negative self talk with positive one. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and celebrate your achievements.
5. Let The Love In
Do you have trouble accepting compliments? Is it difficult to say “thank you” when someone compliments you? And you try to be funny instead. Because same.
And don’t even get me started on how awkward I am when I receive gifts. Not that I don’t like it; I do. But I just don’t know how to react.
And Jen made me realize that it shouldn’t be like that. I think it all comes from the lack of self-love. We don’t believe we deserve all this love because we’ve never given it to ourselves.
Practice self care, take care of your body and mind. Love yourself before anyone else.
6. Skip the Self Deprecating Humor
Because honestly, it’s not even funny. I know, it’s important to laugh at yourself. But this kind of humor comes from a place of lack and insecurity. The usual thought is, ” Before someone points it out, let me make fun of it myself.” No, it does not make you cool.
Constant self deprecating humor is like repeating an affirmation, only a negative one. What you tell yourself on a daily basis has a massive impact on how you act and perceive yourself. And it severely undermines your self-confidence.
7. Stop comparing yourself
I understand how difficult it is to not compare your high school best friend’s wedding or your cousin’s trip to your current situation – sitting on a sofa scrolling through Instagram. But that’s really not fair.
Comparison a never ending downward spiral and no good comes out of it. Focus on creating a better life for yourself.
You are making things happen in your own unique way. As Jen said, “deciding that someone else’s uniqueness is better than your own isn’t exactly being your own best buddy ..”
8. Forgive Yourself to Love Yourself
This should be on the top of the list. You’ve made some mistakes in the past. And you’ll make some more in the future. It’s a part of the process.
You’re not perfect and you don’t have to be. Stop clinging to your mistakes, and the guilt and self-pity that comes with them. If anything, learn your lesson and let it go.
“You aren’t a better person for feeling guilty and bad about yourself , just a sadder one.”
Jen Sincero
How Do You Plan To Love Yourself?
Comment below with the first self-love method you’d try. Begin with a self-care routine, write affirmations, make a list of good vibes, or simply accept a compliment.
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